


Sweetheart

by missEm



Category: Outlander (TV) RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:15:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26147038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missEm/pseuds/missEm
Summary: I don't quite know what the hell this is. A letter, yes. Why I wrote it months ago, no idea. Here it is anyway. Tell me what you think!
Relationships: Caitriona Balfe/Sam Heughan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Sweetheart

**Author's Note:**

> I don't quite know what the hell this is. A letter, yes. Why I wrote it months ago, no idea. Here it is anyway. Tell me what you think!

Sweetheart,

you know my heart, my thoughts, my battles better than I know them myself

so tell me what am I supposed to do with all this time apart from you?

I am so lost

you are not mine nor will you ever be. I know that. how can I not know that? you made that very very clear

but I am yours no matter what you say or do

it has been so since that first time you pretended to kiss me (but you had me longing since the moment that we met) and fairytale got all mixed up with realities of life

it has been so since that first long ride in the midst of chaos, make believe and real

and there were no turning back when your eyes met mine and all else faded into dust

I never said out loud but I know you know

that you are my forever, even though I am not yours

but I did not cry when you told him yes

I smiled and said congrats _love_ , you look stunning _darling_ and I made a toast and laughed and christ I danced and drank until I drowned and forgot my name. but no I did not cry

for years I did not cry because I hoped and waited and wondered how on earth could this not be? how on earth are you not mine? how could you not see the million ways I love ye? 

I did not cry because you were always here so close it seemed like it was meant to be and that made it matter less that it was make believe

but now the tears wíll not stop 

there is nothing here to make them stop

only silence making my head spin, my lungs hurt from trying to breathe so far away from you

no one, nothing else makes sense to me

only sweet sweet blessed numbness in hollow pleasure and

fleeting moments of bliss each morning when I think I feel your hands on my chest

you are so real then it’s like I’m home but then the sunshine blinds me again and everything goes dark

so there you go

this is the truth

the one I never spoke and now it’s crazy late for everything 

so please be well

I will do my best to forget what might have been

for now until we can pretend once more

  
  


S


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